newest college experience 

I went to the bathroom this morning before one of my classes and locked the stall door behind me and did my business.

When I tried to unlock the door, though, the knob turned all around, but the bolt was still in place.

The mother effing thing was broken.

So I stood there, turning the knob every which way and thinking

“I’m going to have to break this freaking door down. No, I can’t do that. I’m going to miss my class. I’ll have to call the fire department and they’ll have to cut me out of a freaking bathroom stall.”

I ended up getting on my hands and knees to make sure no one else was in the bathroom, and army crawling out from underneath the door.

What you should take from this story is:

I army crawled

on a bathroom floor

to get out of a stall.